The shortest massage in the world

I’m not sure what I was looking forward to the most last weekend. Sleeping in (apart from race day), breakfasts on Melbourne’s Southbank, that glass of wine after the half marathon or just chilling in Melbourne with lovely people who I love. Perhaps it was all of that in equal measure.

First glass of wine since June.  I went Dry July until after the race.
First glass of wine since June. I went Dry July until after the race.

What I wasn’t looking forward to was the post-run massage. Nope. I don’t look forward to massages at all. They hurt and I don’t like hurty things. My beautiful masseuse at home is sooooooooooo gentle! She sometimes talks to my muscles like they are little bunnies and pussycats. She lovingly sooths them and in the process, over time, has built up trust with said muscles and now can get in and really work on them.  Timid things these Unsporty Muscles, they get frightened easily.

But those post-run massages? I don’t know those people. They don’t know me. And they definitely don’t talk to my muscles like they are little baby bunnies! They just get in and do their job!  Elbows pushing, hands wrenching and stretching.  My muscles and I don’t like it at all.

We were fortunate to gain access to the Runner’s World Australia VIP tent at Run Melbourne. We were able to drop our gear there pre-run and then post-run there were all sorts of things. A full-on barista operated coffee machine, yummy snacks, water AND four massage beds with two masseuses per bed!  Two people ready to torture runners at one time?  Oh. My. Goodness.

Pauly and Janette 'enjoying' their massages.
Pauly and Janette ‘enjoying’ their massages.

Pauly, Janette and I lined up. I waited and then it was my turn. I got up. Told them I was a sook. Told them I have nearly kicked a masseuse in the head once because it hurt so much (true story! accidentally of course).

They laughed at me! (Perhaps they thought Yay!  Here’s a challenge!)

An Irish guy on one leg and a Kiwi-Indian guy on the other – a multicultural massage if ever there was one. Up and down on my legs one time, I scream! Ouch! Jumped up and said That’s enough, thank you! The entire VIP tent went quiet and then had the giggles. Oh well, I’m good for a giggle if nothing less.

The shortest massage in the world? Yes I think so!  But I was so glad it was over!

Happy running 🙂

PS Tonight I’m off for a massage with my lovely Maddie.  While I don’t enjoy remedial massage I know it helps me to be in good form and to stay running-fit.  But those post-run massages?  Don’t think I’ll ever try that again!

16 thoughts on “The shortest massage in the world

    1. I had the best massage, thank you lovely Janette. According to Maddie I was able to relax and she did the best work she’s ever done. Today my calves feel brand new! I told her about my shortest massage in the world and she giggled and said that I’m sensitive and need more technique and less pressure with massage. Is that code for ‘she’s a sook’? I think so. My Sunday massage experience was very funny, I’m still laughing about it! I did think my two masseuses were such nice chaps!

  1. Well done on the run. Your description of your massage made me smile! I hope your massage with Maddie was worth waiting for and just what you needed. I love a good remedial massage, even if it hurts a bit!

  2. I’d take the glass of wine over the massage! I’ve actually only had one massage in my life and that was pre-running days. Loved your funny story 🙂

  3. Just followed the link from the Travel Tales of Life blog to say well done on winning the quiz over there. I’m amazed you managed to get all the answers right. I got 1 out of 10.

    Good luck with the Melbourne Marathon, by the way!

  4. I’ve only ever had one post-race massage. Like you, never again.

    While my muscles don’t need bunny-talk, they are very grouchy after a race … like the morning-after-the-night-before kind of growlie-get-out-of-my-airspace grouchy.

    …but I’ve never gone “dry” before a race. Now that’s dedication!

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