2018 Light and Darkness

The year Two Thousand and Eighteen – a year where the darkness was long murky and prevailing.  Black.  At times impenetrable and unnavigable.  Dark dense lost.  When the light shone through, I came up for breath, I was renewed and recharged and somehow received enough goodness and kindness to endure.

And I have endured the darkness.  Through kindness and support of loved ones I have endured through the labyrinth of months and here I am with only a handful of days left that will call themselves 2018.  Thank goodness, for I am weary of this year.  This year I almost gave up running, wanted to hide away and not blog and generally indulge my inner hermit.  My heart is done up with sticky tape and I long for a huge dose of boring and smooth sailing.

I could write about why the year was dark.  I could go into the enth degree of why.  Regurgitate, ruminate, wallow and point my finger.  Today I choose not to.  Today I’m going to write about the light.

Moments of light

We found a place to live that we love, in a town that we love with a garden that is the garden of my dreams and the house is too.  A cottage with iron lace work, a veranda, ceiling roses, leadlight and dados.  We have a beautiful new kitchen – something I never thought I’d ever have.

Marvin and Monty, our little rescue cats already named with an M name, came to live with us.

There were visits from the offspring and visits to the offspring.  There was the choosing of a wedding dress and then the wedding itself where so many of my loves were gathered including the Quackers.  My Mother of the Bride speech was the second instalment of a Fairy Story that I’d written about the Bride and her Groom – The Little Blonde Princess and her Prince Charming.  The Wedding Day found itself in the middle of a patch of wet and stormy weather but for the hours that mattered, the rain and wind lulled and the sun managed to win.

My Babies
The Quacker Girls
Mother of the Bride with her Man

We ran a lot of runs despite not feeling the love.  Where the love of running evaporated it was replaced with commitment and dedication.  Like any mature relationship the mushy feelings of romantic love can vanish just like that.  To keep running I needed that grownup-style love with a large measure of persistence and perseverance.

Where did we run?

The Launceston Running Club runs where both Pauly and I managed to run through the ribbon of handicapped races and receive a trophy each – Longford for Pauly and Perth for me.

January – Cadbury Half Marathon.  It is possible to run 21.1kms with two days without sleep.  We received the news about the farm just as we got into the car to travel to Hobart.

March – Motatapu Off Road Marathon in New Zealand.  Exactly one week after packing up our beloved farm house we zoomed off to NZ and had a wonderful time.  We’d already booked and paid for this trip, so we put everything on hold and went and enjoyed ourselves.  As I climbed up the stairs of the plane I imagined leaving my worries on the tarmac.  I collected them again when I walked down after our flight home.

May – The Del-City Marathon.  Run Directed by our very own Louie.  A lovely course that was challenging and the best goodie bags ever!

June – Perth Marathon.  A trip by all the Quackers.  Not our favourite marathon but we can say we’ve run 42.2kms in Western Australia.

July – Run Melbourne Half Marathon.  A much loved weekend and great half marathon course.

September – Sydney Marathon.  A PB for me.  Ross Half Marathon.  Where the wind down Tooms Lake Road went the other way!

November – Triple Top Mountain Run.  Not fun.  Best forgotten.

December – Pauly ran Bruny Island Ultra with Janette and I as support crew.  A PB for him.

The best support crew in the world with Pauly at the beginning of the Ultra.
Spectacular Bruny Island – if you’re going to run an Ultra may as well be somewhere beautiful.

The darkness didn’t break me.  Did it make me stronger?  I don’t know.   Perhaps.  I’m still here.  Goodbye 2018.  Lessons learnt.  Bridges burnt.  Friendships made and developed through the pounding of the road and sweating together generated the much needed light to keep me running. Thank you Quackers and running friends both near and far.

Happy running 🙂

17 thoughts on “2018 Light and Darkness

  1. Wow, it’s been a huge year of change for you and Paul, yet you still knocked out all of those half and full marathons! Even if the love of running was a little dulled by the difficulties you were experiencing, I imagine the training and goal setting gave you both some sanity and time out.
    I’m so happy you have a new home which you clearly love. I sincerely wish that 2019 is a smoother and less stressful year for you both xx

  2. I met you when I did my first Marathon; Launceston 2017 at the age of 58. You and your friend who kept encouraging me on, helped keep me going. Thanks for your blog, keep it going. Hope 2019 is a great year for you and your family.

    1. Thanks John, always a pleasure to encouarage a fellow runner who is working hard to make their dreams come true. Hope to see you at an event in the near future. Thanks for your kind wishes x

  3. Annie my heart hurts and is warmed reading your post. Here on the other side of the world I feel quite helpless but know we think of you and Paul so often. Of all of our trips in so many places in the world, our time with you is one of the biggest treasures. We send our love and wishes for a far brighter year ahead. xo

    1. Thanks Sue, we are ok. I feel like this year truly was a watershed in our lives. That which every farmer fears the most happened to us and we have come out the other side with our sanity and senses of humour. We’ve had many discussions of late about it all, it’s not right how it happened but the future is looking bright and positive this side of farm ownership. We treasure the memory of the visit of Team Travel Tales very much! We’re still hatching out a few little tourism plans perhaps for the future.

  4. Thinking of you, from Seekonk, MA, USA. We can do hard things. We’re ready for you 2019! XOXO
    Your middle-aged (59) American friend,
    Ellen Hindle

  5. This is just the most beautiful heartfelt and honest post Annie. I feel for you and hope 2019 will be a brighter year for you. I understand the darkness and am looking for some light myself. I love the poem and your sentiments. All the best to you both, sending love xx

    1. Thanks Deb, I appreciate your lovely comment especially knowing that you’ve had some really tough times over the last few years. “Tough times don’t last, tough people do”. I don’t like the term tough, let’s call ourselves strong because we have endured / we are enduring those tough times and are still smiling xxx

      1. Yes I agree, we can be strong instead of tough! We certainly are enduring and still smiling regardless of what’s going on 🙂 . Take care x

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